Habitat: window shopping on ul. Tverskaya; Shokolod Cafe or Vanil';
back of chauffeur-driven black Mercedes or Range Rover.
Distinguishing Features: over $50,000 worth of jewelry on body at any
given time; look on face "like jou aven been fucked in a year"
Danger if Provoked: moderate to extreme, depending on presence of
bodyguard (see below)
Mortal Weakness: anything that costs too much money
Comments: The Minigarch Wife is easily recognizable by her natural
physical beauty and the hallmarks of her expensive lifestyle. Trophia minigarcha is
typically initally chosen for sex appeal but is quickly relegated to child-rearing duty as
soon as her husband finds a suitably hot 17-year-old replacement at Downtown or Park
Avenue. In the wild, this species often can be seen with a Flathead Bodyguard (flatheadus
protectus) whose job is both to protect trophia minigarcha from kidnapping attempts as well
as to prevent her from outsourcing her husband's marital duties to other, more willing